Category Archives: Former Players

Your Nationals Dispatch: Mugshots, Millionaires And More Edition

I would like to proudly announce that the lovely Miss Natpenny and I are expecting our second little Nats fan this October. I can’t tell you how proud and excited I am. This news means three things: My seed is awesome. (Sorry ladies, you missed out.) The Nationals Inquisition now has potentially two who can [...] Continue reading

Posted in Elijah Dukes, Former Players, Jayson Werth, Other, Players | Comments Off

Jayson Werth Is A Werewolf Of Mystery

The Nationals got completely savaged and swept out of Milwaukee this afternoon. It was actually a pretty good fight as crappy baseball games go. The Nationals kept trying to come back, but the Brewers always seemed to come up with the answers and the Nationals eventually lost 6-4. The series and the whole road trip [...] Continue reading

Posted in 2011 Season, Chris Marrero, Former Players, Jayson Werth, Minors, manny acta | Comments Off

Nyjer Morgan Does Not Like Dry Wall And Gets A Lecture About It

The Washington Nationals are currently playing in Atlanta right now and if they are the curious, young whipper-snappers we all believe them to be then they might have noticed a hole in the dry wall of the Atlanta Visitors Clubhouse. They might be wondering how such a hole got into the wall and why it [...] Continue reading

Posted in Former Players, nyjer morgan | Comments Off

Your Nationals Dispatch: Letter to Shackleford Edition

Dear Shackleford, I know it has been a couple days since the Kentucky Derby and your fourth place finish and you probably don’t want to relive and remember the last 50 feet to the finish line that ultimately defined your run, but I have to get this letter off my chest. Ever since the authorities [...] Continue reading

Posted in Former Players, Gregor Blanco, Josh Willingham, Minors, Other, Stan Kasten, bryce harper, shackleford | Comments Off

Mr. Venison Leads Nats To Victory

There is nothing better on a Central Virginia morning than reading the box scores while having a cup of coffee and some venison sausage, especially if that venison was harvested from your own land. There is something uber-crazy old school about this particular morning ritual, something very Daniel Boone about it, especially here in Virginia. [...] Continue reading

Posted in 2011 Season, Adam LaRoche, Former Players, Jayson Werth, Minors, bryce harper, nyjer morgan | Comments Off

Elijah Dukes Swears He Didn’t Have A Man Purse Of Drugs

I’ve come to the conclusion that Elijah Dukes is a character and he will always have his space on this blog. The troubled former Nationals outfielder is just too bizarre to ignore. Yesterday the Nationals Journal broke the story that the Tampa Tribune would be printing a story this morning about Dukes, who is now [...] Continue reading

Posted in Elijah Dukes, Former Players | Comments Off

The Luke Skywalker of Nationals Turns To The Darkside

Nationals outfielder Justin Maxwell has been acquired/traded to the New York Yankees. Neither team has made an official announcement, but the agency representing Maxwell made it clear via Twitter that J-Max is headed to the Bronx– and a life of unspeakable evil. Maxwell was designated for assignment by the Nationals last Thursday to make room [...] Continue reading

Posted in Former Players, Justin Maxwell, Players, adam olbrychowski | Comments Off

Mike Bacsik Became A Ft. Worth Cat And No One Updated His Wiki

There is that age old saying: “If you do something spectacular and no one updates your Wikipedia page– do you really do it?” Of course, I myself do not have that problem. If I take a dump out on the side of the highway it is almost immediately updated under the “personal life” section of [...] Continue reading

Posted in Former Players, mike bacsik | Comments Off

Adam Kennedy Drank A Little Too Much Starbucks Last Night

Former Nationals second baseman and current Seattle Mariner minor league-fodder Adam Kennedy was arrested in California last night and charged with a DUI. Those pesky Cali coppers pulled him over on the freeway sometime around 9pm, but Kennedy has already been released to wreck havoc on base and walking paths on the West Coast. With [...] Continue reading

Posted in Former Players, adam kennedy | Comments Off

Your Nationals Dispatch: Word From The Nats Bum Edition

Look at this poor bastard. Word has it he fought in the war, has a piece of shrapnel shaped like Jesus embedded near his kidney and he carries a soiled Matt Chico rookie card in his back pocket for some reason. He lives in the lap of luxury– Lot HH in a cardboard box on [...] Continue reading

Posted in Adam LaRoche, FRANK ROBINSON, Former Players, Mike Rizzo, Other, Players, Willie Harris, stephen strasburg | Comments Off